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To some ethnic groups the idea of reverence and submission to one’s elders is basic to society. In China elders even have the right to demand a child marry, and often to whomever they chose. Parents also expect the new couple to take care of the son’s father and mother in their old age, but not the mother’s family. This has led to the abortion of girls. To counter this the Chinese communist bureaucracy allows those couples who have a girl initially to conceive a boy for a second child to guarantee them a pension.
Other societies are equally demanding; Hispanic groups still exert some influence on family choice. I saw many a foreign-born mother taking over where she did not have Yahweh’s lawful authority. Yahweh’s command to Adam and Eve was the man is to leave father and mother and cleave to the wife to create a new home. (Genesis 2:24) The parents’ authority is over. Having parents select a mate all seems so old-fashioned to Americans who have actually taken personal choice to wild extremes, and the number of divorces should reflect that quickly.
Chinese anchor babies
This accounts for some immigrants to the USA immigrating to allow personal choices quite outside of employment or political freedom. Many Chinese mothers live in San Francisco hotels to have a baby in America to permit the child to claim American citizenship.
The ancient Hebrew Bible, known the world over as Yahweh’s word to mankind, gave 10 commandments. The fifth of these was to “honor one’s father and mother.”
One Commandment has a promise
But Yahweh doesn’t leave it there. He says there is a promise attached saying “In order that your days (not the parent’s days) may be long in the land I have given you.” Hebrews, like most tribes of people, prefer to stay in their own land rather than be relegated to a nation that may not appreciate them. Notice that your parents are not guaranteed a long life – you are. Notice that a long life is not guaranteed in a foreign land, only Israel. No wonder thousands have returned to that homeland since 1948.
Honor is not love
That leaves us to examine the tricky word “honor.” To Americans it tends to mean respect, even deference, maybe also obedience. And on this word many fail to take heed. Bad parents abound, living in addictions, violence, crime, giving out unreasonable punishment, and unable to control their emotions or tempers. And you will hear children from these homes tell you that honor when defined as respect or even love is something they cannot provide.
But the word honor is not respect, not deference, not love or like, and if it involves drinking or drugs, not obedience either. At this point we need to understand why Yahweh chose the word “honor.”
Honor’s old-time meaning referred to money or care. We hear it occasionally in the word “honorarium” to indicate a fee paid to a distinguished speaker, or to the person who wins a major award such as the Nobel Prize.
Honor means financial support. The children are to care for their parents in their old age. This promise also generates long life for them as well. It does not mean the sexually abused child must love; perhaps that might come from the in working of the Holy Spirit. But the child can take care, or see that others take care of an aged parent.
Children have an obligation to accept people as they are, and that includes parents. But this is not an acceptance or rejection for performance. The parents’ performance is not the issue. The issue is Yahweh’s blessing for you.
If your parent has failed in life, you do not need to approve. If that parent tried to kill you or make life a terror for you, lied about you or threw you out into the cold to make your own way, you are not expected to have warm feelings about them. You are only expected to see that they are not wards of the State.
Perhaps Yahweh in His mercy can help you actually love them, but that is not honor, it is not in the law, and it is not expected. That kind of acceptance is part of your growth, not theirs.
#honor #honour #10commandments #finances
Occasionally there is some public breast-beating by ministers ruing the statistics that non-believers and believers divorce at about the same rate. There is a deceptively easy reason for this. But in any event marriage is such a complex relationship that in talking about it we always leave out something important. Here, alone, e are talking about divorcea and how it is a final breakdown.
Marriage as flesh
First, the scriptures say the “two shall become one flesh.” While this union is not a simple co-habitation in the eyes of God, it may actually not be much more than this. It is, after all, just the flesh.
In the beginning the flesh is usually enough to keep the pair together. They marry with pretty much the same goals – a family, a house in the burbs, a decent job, and a few kids. Sometimes their common goals are a life as missionaries or even as members of the armed forces. Those common goals keep them together for a long time.
If the goal is sex alone, by either couple, the union is doomed from the start because the Bible says, the flesh profits nothing. It has no permanence, so the value of marriage must be in the other extended relationship it brings to the couple, and their world and the world to come. Marriage does have eternal value.
Man, in contrast to animals, in three parts
Man is made up of three parts – body, soul and spirit. The bodies come together but clearly not the spirits, and consequently not the souls. In most families mother and father are opposites – she is creative, he is a math whiz; or he is the farmer and she can’t grow chives in the window sill; or she is an engineer and he is a psychologist. This helps the kids have a better view of the world than two alike-people.
But no one can have, nor should they have, a union of souls. God saves souls and each one is distinct in His eyes.
Then there is the Spirit. This is where the rubber meets the road. After the children are schooled, married and gone, this marriage faces a new stress – what is the common goal – retirement, travel, self-indulgence, golf, amusements, games? Do they have a common life of set goals. One prominent marriage counselor says every pair should have a regular discussion about the family “mission-statement.”
At this point, the union breaks down.
Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Agreement is gone!
While Amos spoke these words to indicate how the Christian should pattern his life with God, the rule applies everywhere. The marriage cannot last if the direction of their lives is not parallel. Parallel goals means agreement. Non-parallel goals means that even a small degree of difference will, over time, send them off in different, and conflicting directions.
It may be be evident as the paths begin to part, but that is the time for re-examination. Look to God for the answer. Men most often will blame the wife, marry #2 and live to regret it because they fail to look at their own faults.
The second marriage for men is almost always a disaster.
The wife may hit the bottle or have an affair. Again – an answer in the flesh does not work. The new rule in America of hole digging is – when you are at the bottom, stop digging.
Saving the marriage means being totally honest
Go back to where your paths diverged and be cruelly honest with yourself first and then each other. Divorce is not necessary, and it is a horror for even the most agreeable couple. It does not need to happen.